i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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