Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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