Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
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I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
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Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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