didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
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I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
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We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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