I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize