he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
