I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
