I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
