i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
