if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize