his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
vagina is talking i cant
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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