Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Randomize
