I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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