dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
