She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize