Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I need to align my fucking chakras
There are leaves in my underwear?
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