i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Also, beer. Big fan.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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