So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
