i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I supernannyed him into submission
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize