I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
