So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
