dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
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i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
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the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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