Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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