i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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