Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize