So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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