Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
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We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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