I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
BRING THE BAGELS
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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