Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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