Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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