i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
