When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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