seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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