If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
