the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
