My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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