dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
