the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
