I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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