I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
