Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
