I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Randomize
