Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
