when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
