Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
