I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
foreskin is a definite game changer
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
