does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
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Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
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The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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