hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
