sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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