ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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