theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
