I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
then he tried to convert me to islam
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
