those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
