The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
