Princesses don't give blow jobs
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
