OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
