Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
