OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
This toilet bowl is my home.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
