She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
