things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
