seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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