Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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