So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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